“The man who views the world at 40 the same as he did at 30 has wasted 10 years of his life.” -  Muhammad Ali. Well, that’s somewhat paraphrasing the greatest of all time.

I knew the original quote for many years, it had always been insightful but until recently I never really ‘knew’ it. A month ago, I turned 40 and naturally got to thinking about the decade that preceded it. In doing so, it has been an emotional and insightful several weeks leading up to the day and since. 

My 30’s have been incredible and perhaps the most eye opening and profound, dare I say it, I realise I was naive still in my 20’s and somewhat through my 30’s, trusting to a fault, but my 30’s certainly changed that. My 30’s saw me get married, move out of the family home, lose a father, become a father, see and experience so many difficulties and go through a myriad of emotions I just didn’t know how to cope with, so many things I had buried deep inside myself - my method of coping and telling and convincing myself (and others) all was well. I wasn’t.

Either people I knew started showing their true colours, I started seeing them, or in some cases realising I could not accept them. I felt in many ways a shadow of my former self and in also as many ways a new person entirely. I was at a loss for who or what I was. I remember finding words so easily but several events saw me shut down almost entirely. I would write things from time to time and have old friends comment on how I always had a way with words. I felt like a fraud, that I always wanted to write but now had nothing to say. I couldn’t find my way out once it had finally dawned on me that I had let things get completely out of control.

I found myself, reluctantly I hasten to add, trying therapy. And there it was, I was recalling, remembering things I had consciously completely forgotten about or buried thinking I had ‘dealt’ with it. Addressing things I had not thought about in years, if not, decades. Realising what was affecting me, quietly, subconsciously. I guess I wish I had done it sooner. Furthermore, I want to encourage anyone no matter what situation you’re in to give it a try. I continue to find these conversations incredibly liberating and insightful.

I got to thinking that in years past, my way of coping and understanding was through music. I loved to put together a playlist. I was reminded of this recently and made that one that could easily describe the decade. Have a listen. 

As I begin this new decade I am grateful for the learning of years gone by and excited about the opportunity of years ahead.

#lifebeginsat40 #forty #april #birthday #mentalhealth #therapy #life #grateful #excited